Fellow Russian Iron Rider,

Bored with your Russian Iron? Tired of listening to the same old show-offs at the Russian Motorcycle Club Meets? Time for a change to a much more distinctive ride and biker gang!

Time to sell your Russky bike! And buy this latest Flintstone Motors, supersport tourer model: The Velociraptor 500 (500 pavement kicks per kilometer). At last! A motorcycle purpose built for the tropical mountain environment. Its jungle knife, cutting edge technology is environmentally friendly, and petroleum free. Mileage is an outstanding 0 gallons of gas per mile. Yet this new bike sacrifices nothing in terms of performance. Cruising speed is about 70 mph down your favorite mountain road. Top Speed is about 120 mph should you take a vertical short cut down the nearest cliff or ravine where you will reach Skydiver Free Fall Terminal Velocity at much less than a quarter mile, so long as you avoid large overhanging tree branches. This is twice as fast than what your Ural or Dnepr can manage!

The Velociraptor 500 is also corrosion proof, with fully 99% of its construction using only the choicest Philippine rainforest hardwoods. Even floats in water which is really useful during those sudden mountain flash floods. And check out the state of the art, organic, rear 2x4 braking system plus puncture-proof tires!

The Velociraptor 500 is truck strong. Carrying capacity is three adult tribesmen plus three children, two bushels of corn, two sacks of rice, four chickens and a piglet. Which makes this new model versatile for racing, adventure touring, and going shopping at the village mall.

And when you buy a new Velociraptor 500, you automatically become a trial guest member of the Bontoc Hell Riders, the original Philippine highlands Flintstone biker club, and are welcome to attend the weekly meetings for a year. The only requirement for permanent full membership is to submit three freshly cut, low-lander Christian heads, to the club's head chef at the annual membership induction chowdown, in lieu of running barefoot over the hot barbecue coals for the mandatory "trial by fire" initiation rites.

Full club membership will bring you many benefits including a free set of club colors attire, complete with loin cloth, feathered headress and head harvesting machete, timeshare vacation days at the tribal longhouse and emergency, roadside, water buffalo towing service.

Plus you get to join the club's monthly fun-runs, trackdays and the Annual Rice Terrace Jumping Competition. What's more, you will gain many new interesting friends and make connections in local industries such as hunting-gathering, exotic jungle cuisine food service, mountain stream spear fishing, tropical hut construction, rice terrace agriculture, cranial amputation, betel nut connoiseur chewing, pig slaughtering and sacrifce, trial by ordeal jurisprudence, tribal animistic spiritual/herbal medicine and basket weaving, as well as chicken bone divining and forecasting. So much more than the local Rotary club can offer.

So, sell your old bike, quit your Russian biker gang, buy the Velociraptor 500 and join the Bontoc Hell Riders today!

Leon

Guy here the other day lost his nuts to a shocker device, I understand that they exploded, and infected many people far away......thank goodness...Ken

Is that Fred Flintstone's Harley?

Check out the cool shrunken head on the bars of dark bike in the first pic and the mechanical rear brake in the second pic, looks like those might be a good mods for the Ural.

minemapper

they should buy a seat cover from rich maund.